There are times when we find ourselves in situations where we have to decide if our own selves get priority over others. Others who are not just others, they are people whom we respect, whom we trust, whom we care for, and worst of all, whom we have expectations with. Naturally, those people also have some expectations from us. Expectations that they’ll be happy if we’ll share our happiness with them, expectations that we won’t say things to them that might make them feel hurt, expectations that we can ping them whenever we want to, and that the other person would feel elated to see us pinging them even at odd times. That’s exactly where we don’t realize, and prioritize our selves over those whom we “care” for.
But is it really “care” if we share our feelings with our loved ones? If it is, how can “selfishness” be different than “caring”? How can you not be selfish if you’re making them worried about you, that too only so that you could feel better, only so that you could get care in return? But doesn’t it make all these relations so selfish? You respect so that you could get respect in return. You love so that you could get love back in return. And besides, what does love give to the person you love. You only love for your own self. What does the other person get? But then who is to be blamed for all this game of selfishness? For all this game of prioritizing one’s self over others in the name of care and love? Is it the one who initiated love or the one who falls for the trap in reply to the initiator? Do they both do it for their own self?
Our problem is that we have become habitual of seeing things in parts and never as a whole. Our entire life is divided into compartments - be it love, knowledge, etc. The Unity that once encompassed a believer's life is now missing from ours. It was this Unity which gave one a perspective of seeing things in whole - or relationships (as this post refers to) in their entirety. Just after reading your post I came across another post on another blog, which reminded me of your post. The post relates the following tradition:
ReplyDelete"Abu Idris Al-Khaulani (May Allah had mercy upon him) reported:
I once entered the mosque in Damascus. I happened to catch sight of a young man who had bright teeth (i.e., he was always seen smiling). A number of people had gathered around him. When they differed over anything they would refer it to him and act upon his advice. I asked who he was and I was told that he was Mu`adh bin Jabal (May Allah be pleased with him) The next day I hastened to the mosque, but found that he had arrived before me and was busy in performing Salat. I waited until he finished, and then went to him from the front, greeted him with Salam and said to him, “By Allah I love you.” He asked, “For the sake of Allah?” I replied, “Yes, for the sake of Allah”. He again asked me, “Is it for Allah’s sake?” I replied, “Yes, it is for Allah’s sake.” Then he took hold of my cloak, drew me to himself and said, “Rejoice,! I heard Messenger of Allah (PBUH) saying, `Allah, the Exalted, says: My love is due to those who love one another for My sake, meet one another for My sake, visit one another for My sake and spend in charity for My sake”.
[Malik].
here's the source: http://fafirrooelaallaah.wordpress.com/
@N.A: Speechless I am. You're so right that we have so engraved ourselves in the life of this world that whatever we do is for own selves. We even find selfishness in our relations although the relations should be made for the sake of Allah. Thank you so very much for your comment. Do keep visiting.
ReplyDeleteAnd sorry for the late reply.
@Haris....
ReplyDeleteIt's commendable post and put me thinking over the words you conveyed brilliantly.......
@NA....
The answer is most approachable and all narration has supreme effect above all....
Allah may bless us all... Ameen :)